Is publicly shaming someone a cardinal sin (a sin which one must die rather than perform), as per the Talmudic statement that it is better to die than to publicly shame someone (Berakhot (43b), Bava Metsia (59a) Ketubot (67b), Sotah (10b))?
R. Yonah (Shaarei Tshuva: Shaar Shlishi 139) cites and explains the passage, ostensibly implying that it is halakhic, and Tosafos (Sotah 10b) hold that it is. If I understood correctly this is also the opinion of R. Ovadiah Yosef (Yabia Omer 6:13:12). What are the various opinions of poskim on the matter?
Answer
The Rambam is of the opposite opinion. Although he brings the concept of such a person not having a portion in the world to come, he mentions nothing about it being a fourth exception to יהרג ואל יעבור - requiring martyrdom (see the Derech HaTeshuva to the Rambam Teshuva 3:14 who notes that Tosfos and Rabbeinu Yona's opinion is amazing as it is "clearly" not intended literally, analogous to the statement that someone who gets angry is like they are serving idolatry).
This is especially significant because the Rambam holds there can be no additional reason other than the ones and circumstances listed, even as an act of piousness, upon which one may martyr himself.
The Meiri Sotah 10b and Brachos 43b says that this Gemara is not meant literally, and martyrdom is not expected.
Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Minchas Shlomo Volume 1 Siman 7) seems to pasken like Tosfos, and asks why one isn't allowed to desecrate Shabbos in order to prevent such embarrassment (although he doesn't doubt that you are not, in fact, allowed to violate Shabbos for that).
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