Thursday 21 July 2016

minhag - Did shadchanim suggest the shidduch?


Today, the role of the Shadchan is, depending on your community, to suggest to the prospective match that they meet, to introduce them, to arrange their meetings, and/or to advocate / be the intermediary for their communications while they are dating.


However, in the halachic literature about Shadchanim, much of the discussion is about their brokering the financial arrangements between the two sides of the match - who will pay for what, what the dowry will be, how long the parents will support the couple, etc. In fact, the Rema (C.M. 185:10) classifies a Shadchan as a type of broker. There is no explicit mention (with which I am familiar) of the Shadchan being involved in the actual matching up of the prospective couple.


Did the old-time Shadchan serve as the one who suggested the match? Was there such a thing as a "professional" match-suggester, as we have today?




Answer



Shadchanim often suggested the match, in addition to working out the financial settlements. I reference Gluckel of Hamleyn, a memoir written in the late 1600s/early 1700s. The writer was a wealthy and prominent Jewish woman who lived in Germany in those times. She had many children and was very involved in marrying them off with the appropriate financial packages. She clearly writes that shadchanim would often suggest the match and work out the settlement, too. Like today, marriages were also often arranged by friends and neighbors, in addition to professional marriage brokers.


The case where one person suggests a match but a second party works it out is discussed in Halachic literature, as to how to split the shadchan's fee. That, too, would indicate that the one who suggested the match also qualifies as a shadchan.


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