terminology - Do chemists refer to water as "dihydrogen monoxide"?

Is the name "Dihydrogen monoxide" actually what chemists would use to refer to $\ce{H2O}$ (assuming there was no common name, "water")?

Of course, this is all over the internet. I'm a little skeptical though because the similar chemical $\ce{H2S}$ is called "hydrogen sulfide", not "dihydrogen monosulfide".

Answer

No, it's not. The "dihydrogen monoxide" name is used as part of a hoax. In the scientific community, there are chemical names for water, and which one is used in the literature generally depends on how it interacts with something else (hydroxic acid and hydrogen hydroxide were two I heard most often in acid-base reactions). IUPAC, the standards committee that sets standard names for chemical structures, suggests "oxidane", but I have never seen it used. Most chemists just use "water" unless they are writing a paper (and sometimes even then).