Saturday 5 March 2016

translation - Translating 鳴神の少し響みてさし曇り... etc


This passage of the movie, Kotonoha No Niwa:



鳴る神の
少し響みてさし曇り
雨も降らぬか
きみを留めむ



Several sites translate as:




A faint clap of thunder,
clouded skies.
Perhaps rain will come.
If so, will you stay here with me?



And, the translation I see:



Thunder echoes weak.
Amid the cloudy (sky).

The rain will fall?
You'll remain here (?) (my certainty in that sentence is close to 0%).



I don't trust a lot in my translation, but I place less trust in texts found online. Could anyone tell me which one is more correct and why?
Or, if both are completely wrong, how I can properly translate this passage?



Answer



Let's modernize it first.



かみなりが 少し響いて 空に雲がさして曇り 雨でも降らないか… 君を留めよう.


I wonder if thunder echoes weak, cloud interferes with the sky and rain or something falls. (Then,) I'll keep you here.




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